Sparring with Stereotypes

Ageism’s Silent Impact on Mental Health

I first started experiencing ageism in my forties.  My sport of choice is boxing, and when I began at age 48, I didn’t fit the mold of a young, fit boxer let alone now being in my late 50s, overweight and grey-haired.  I have received ageist comments from trainers and found other boxers reluctant to partner with me or even talk to me in a class.  It has been isolating, and I have left the gym many times in tears.

So, I understand the pain of this discrimination.  What I’ve come to understand firsthand is that ageism hurts.

As a counsellor, it made me wonder just how deeply these biases run. How often do we - consciously or not - dismiss or devalue older people? Not just in gyms, but in workplaces, waiting rooms, and yes, even in therapy.

Where Ageism Hides

A European social survey found that ageism is more prevalent than sexism or racism, with one in three people experiencing it (Ayalon, 2014). In New Zealand, our ageing population is growing fast. By 2033, over a quarter of us will be aged 65 or older. This makes it more important than ever to challenge the biases we may not even know we hold.

1. Healthcare

Many older adults are denied proper care because of harmful assumptions: illness is just part of ageing, or they’re too old to benefit from treatment anyway. As a result, they’re less likely to be screened, diagnosed, or treated effectively (Nelson, 2005).

2. Mental Health Access

Ageism is alive in the counselling world too. Studies have shown that even trained psychologists can hold ageist beliefs (Maglie & Ignazio, 2022). Older adults are often assumed to be uninterested in - or resistant to - therapy. In truth, many are eager to talk, but are blocked by systemic barriers like short GP visits, lack of referrals, and the cost of sessions.

3. Language and Stereotypes

We talk about senior moments, joke about forgetfulness, and use patronising tones with older people - even when they’re perfectly competent. This “benevolent prejudice” strips people of dignity and subtly reinforces the idea that their lives are winding down rather than evolving.

The Invisible Cost of Ageism

When people are told repeatedly that they’re useless, they start to believe it. Research shows that internalised ageism can even impair memory and increase health risks. In the U.S., the highest rate of suicide is among men aged 85 and older - a tragic reflection of what happens when people feel invisible, unsupported, and unworthy.

Why Counsellors Need to Pay Attention

Counsellors are in a unique position to push back against ageism - but only if we check our own biases first.

• Do we assume an older client isn’t open to change?

• Do we use youth - focused language or examples that alienate?

• Do we assume depression is "understandable" or "normal" for someone who's experienced loss or physical decline?

The NZAC Code of Ethics requires us to avoid discrimination based on age and to offer equitable services. That includes rethinking how we engage with older clients and removing the barriers that keep them from accessing help.

What We Can Do

Here are some steps we can take as counsellors to support older adults better:

• Use accessible language. Swap “anxiety” and “depression” for terms like “stress” and “low mood,” which may feel less clinical.

• Offer flexible, affordable options. Consider home visits, longer sessions, or sliding - scale fees. Many older clients live on limited incomes.

• Name the strengths of ageing. Challenge stereotypes by highlighting wisdom, resilience, humour, and perspective.

• Learn the issues. Older clients may be navigating grief, caregiving, identity shifts, physical limitations, or spiritual concerns. These deserve thoughtful, informed attention.

• Keep learning. The field of counselling research is sorely lacking in studies on older adults. Let’s change that - by reading, contributing, and advocating for more inclusive approaches.

In Western cultures, we’ve come to associate ageing with decline and death - and we’re terrified of both. This fear, as explored through Terror Management Theory, drives us to ignore or devalue the elderly, clinging instead to youth and productivity. It’s a cultural story - and one we have the power to rewrite.

Ageing is inevitable. Ageism is not.

Let’s not make our older clients feel like they’re in the final chapter of their story. Let’s help them see they’re in a new chapter - one still full of value, insight, connection, and growth.

And let’s stop treating grey hair as a punchline. Especially in the boxing ring!