How the Pandemic Fueled a Crisis of Porn Use

Last year, I worked with a client who felt trapped - by stress, by shame, and by a growing dependence on internet pornography.  He was the CEO of a large team of staff in a post pandemic-era world and a father of four.  What changed everything for him was this realisation: he wasn’t broken - he was overwhelmed. And porn had become a way to escape.

That moment, shared in the safety of a non-judgmental counselling space, transformed his relationship, and possibly his future. It also sent me on a path of my own: to investigate what really works when it comes to helping people with internet pornography addiction (IPA), especially here in Aotearoa New Zealand.

What We Think We Know

Internet pornography addiction is often viewed through a narrow lens - one of shame, secrecy, and moral judgment. But what if we’ve been asking the wrong questions?

My review of the literature reveals a few key insights:

1. There is no single definition of “porn addiction” - and that’s part of the problem.

2. Cultural context matters. What’s considered “problematic” varies widely between individuals, communities, and countries.

3. We need to move away from shame-based narratives. Many clients are not struggling with lust - they’re struggling with loneliness, trauma, or unmet emotional needs.

4. There’s very little research specific to New Zealand, and most international research assumes a Western, often white, male lens.

What’s Working (And What Isn’t)

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is still the most studied intervention. Kimberly Young’s foundational studies found short-term benefits, but long-term outcomes were mixed - especially once clients left the structured programme.

More promising are mindfulness-based approaches, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and meditation. In fact, Sniewski’s 2020 New Zealand dissertation is the first to explore meditation as an IPA intervention. His findings were clear:

“Pornography is often not the problem itself - but a symptom of deeper emotional struggles, like stress, disconnection, or trauma.”

The Pandemic Effect

Lockdowns amplified the “Triple A Engine” of pornography use - Accessibility, Affordability, and Anonymity (Cooper, 1998). But few studies consider the deeper social disconnection caused by isolation, the loss of rituals like funerals or births, or the emotional toll of being physically and emotionally distanced from community.

As Király et al. (2020) note, familial relationships can either help or hinder recovery - and need to be central to any intervention plan.

A Cultural (and Relational) Shift

A standout piece of New Zealand-based writing comes from Cassandra Johnston (2017), who argues that our current models are too focused on pathology and not enough on relational disconnection. She suggests that what many people are seeking in pornography is not sexual release - but emotional contact.

Johnston proposes we draw from our indigenous models of wellbeing, including:

• Whanaungatanga, which sees family as central to healing.

• Te Whare Tapa Whā, where emotional and spiritual pillars of wellbeing are just as important as physical ones.

• Dr Rangimarie Pere’s “Wheke” model, which emphasises the interconnectedness of individuals, family, and community.

In this view, recovery isn’t about quitting porn - it’s about reclaiming connection.

Reframing the Narrative

Language matters. Several writers, including Le Clair (2017), suggest dropping the term “pornography” altogether, due to its moral and shame-based overtones. He proposes the term “imagery addiction” - a more neutral and accurate description that opens the door to compassionate care.

Le Clair also notes that most effective counsellors working with IPA have dealt with it themselves. They understand the deep emotional pain at its root. They also stress the importance of helping clients reintroduce real-life connection - not just removing the coping mechanism.

So, What Should We Do?

For counsellors:

• Get informed. This is a rapidly evolving issue, and many of us are under-trained to deal with it effectively.

• Be aware of your own biases. Moral judgments have no place in the therapy room.

• Focus on connection. Help clients explore the emotional or relational wounds driving the behaviour.

• Refer when needed. Sometimes cultural, spiritual, or group-based healing is more appropriate than one-on-one counselling.

For the wider community:

• Let’s talk about it. Silence and stigma only make the problem worse.

• Support research here in Aotearoa. We need local data, local solutions, and culturally-informed care.

In Closing

Pornography addiction is real - but it’s also deeply misunderstood. For many, it’s not about desire, but disconnection. Not about weakness, but pain. The interventions that work best aren’t necessarily those that focus on control - but those that foster connection, meaning, and healing.

If you or someone you know is struggling, know this: you're not alone. Help is out there - and it doesn’t come with shame. It comes with listening, understanding, and care.